Forever Love

So.
This picture marks something significant to me.
I listened to this song;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=larU5S-r7pc

The last time I listened to this musical genius by Emilie Autumn was October 2012.
Nearly 2 years ago.

And the photo above was taken about ten seconds before I started silently blubbering.
I wanted to be share this with you, as it is important to me.

In October 2012, I lost a part of my soul.
I watched someone who had grown up with me, leave this world.

This is me and her. I'm seven, she's about 10 weeks.
My beautiful baby girl.
I was just about to turn 21 when we had to lose her forever from this life.

On that day I listened to Emilie Autumns 'Goodnight, Sweet Ladies' blaring from my car, as I sped around with no place to go.
Tears blurring my vision.
Her collar in my lap.
I'd lost a part of myself.
I'd rather have chopped off my left leg, that felt a pain like this.

From that day to this, I could not listen to that song again. I skipped the track entirely. I avoided it like the plague.

And today nearly two years later, I just let it play through.
I laid on the floor, and let the pain come back full force.
And with the pain, and the images of her dead body, and the memories of three generations of my family stood together scattering her ashes...with all that bad, came good.

I remembered her trying to catch fish from the stream, I remembered walking in the snow, and her totally tackling my nan over. I remembered how she loved carrying huge (like way too big) tree branches through the woods, and trying to run between us all, and smacking the hell out of our knees on literally every walk. I remembered over a decade of her lying on my bed every single night.
I hadn't forgot these things, so much as they'd been pushed back. Pushed to the back corners of my mind by the pain of losing her.

Her name was Sheba.
And now she is running around the Summerlands, waiting for me.
And I know she'll be there to greet me, as joyfully as she ever did, when the time comes for us to be together again.

A Journey back to Emilie Autumns FLAG Tour in London.

So taking inspiration from https://twitter.com/LadyCyanide I decided to take a trip down memory lane, and share with you all my adventures to London to see Emilie Autumn once again for the FLAG Tour. This would be my 5th time at an EA concert, and my second time going as a VIP.
 There were three of us going; myself, my friend Jadene, and EA veteran Becky (aka Stripy), who had kindly offered to make the perilous drive.

We made the journey unscathed to our London hotel, just a few short hours later. Once inside our little room, it was of direct importance to make use of that supplied kettle, and get the tea flowing. And once we were suitably refreshed, out came the corset, and hair thingys, and stockings. The glitter was abundant, and face jewels were applied.

Now it was on to public transport. (God, I hate London bus drivers!) We got a lot of odd looks, I'm sure to say...especially when we got near the venue and had to start tightening each others corsets ;)

I am always and early bird for EA gigs, ALWAYS! VIP or no, you just have to get there and experience the whole day. This gig was no exception. There was only one other small group there when we arrived outside the concert hall doors.

Veronica Varlow made an appearance, maybe 2 hours into our queuing. There is nothing like hugging this woman! She holds on for life, like your mere touch is a necessity. She of course remembered me from previous shows, and a few online conversations - I was lucky enough to be picked for the rat game back in 2010. She knows I always come with goodies. The year before had been a magic, gypsy charm bag, that I'd put together myself, including homemade candles. This year, was a handmade hair clip, that I must admit I was very proud of.
 Her face when she opened it will stay with me forever.
We all took pictures and hugged alot, and then she whisked herself back of inside. But that was not the last we were to see of her. A bit later on when maybe 25 of us were in the queue, she came back, and with Beckys Boyfriends ukulele, serenaded us with her haunting vocals. This was followed up with a sing-a-long, of 'Girls, Girls, Girls', and a dance lesson for it!
 It felt so special and intimate. It's the best queue experience I've had yet.

So not long after VIPers were allowed to enter the venue. When we went in we got to see the inside in all it's glory. A converted old theater is what stood before us, and it really helped set an atmosphere.
 We lined up and were given our goodie bags! A signed set-list, a FLAG flag, and the TEA! You have no idea how long I'd waited for this tea. It was Emilies handmade VIP tour blend, in a beautiful golden tin, with the plague rat logo on the lid. When we popped it open it smelt like christmas.  Warm and spicy, cloves and oranges.

Emilie came out, and we queued for our solo time with her. I was 4th or 5th in line.
 I love meeting Em, she's so wonderfully hand-sy. She just wants to stroke you and hold you. It's wonderful and comforting. I don't even really remember the full conversation that passed between us. I just remember vividly, the basking glow of her presence. A sense of warmth and contentness.
 I gave her the hat I made for her, and she immediately  asked me to put it in her hair - with shaking hands I pinned it in.

She hugged me hard, and told me I was strong and beautiful. She probably does say it to everyone - but you can see in her eyes that when it comes from her mouth, she means it.

I left to visit the merch stall, while other people had their intimate moments. And then of-course the gig officially begun. I was front row center stage, with my girls, just like Em had asked us to be.
 She looked so much like a warrior queen, in her new mohawk, and battle corset. The show starts the same most times, so I took this time, to collect some solid shots of the show. (See below)
 But the dialogue sections were all totally new, and had me giggling like a lunatic. The whole crowd was doing group sing-a-longs, and it truly felt like we were united - like a girl power revolution!

I was especially excited to see 'Scavenger'. And it didn't disappoint! The air was crackling, it was so atmospheric, with the base reverberating around my chest. I had goosebumps as Maggot came out in full scavenger get up, on her stilts.
 The final song was 'One Foot' - and here I had no choice but to let all my emotion out. I was overwhelmed with the love and sadness of it all. Tears flooded down my face, as I sang along, raising on paw infront of the other paw, into the air. Emilie saw me, and connected with my tears. She smiled kindly at me, reached forward, and signed I <3 U at me.
 And of course, this only made me cry harder. Seeing Emilie looking at me, Becky reached over and clasped my hand. We were in this together! I clung to her for the rest of the song, and for the ending speech.
The final speech where Emilie appears on the verge of tears, as she tells us we are home - it touches something inside me. It reaches out to my heart and holds it, as tightly as I held Beckys hand.
Unity.
The Asylum, it is always inside us; our protection and our strength.
I love those women. They inspire me beyond belief. I have so much gratitude for the time they give us, the wisdom they teach us, and the love they've formed with us!

It's painful and raw...
But it is true.

(All photos belong to me. Feel free to use them, but please credit accordingly)