So.
This picture marks something significant to me.
I listened to this song;
The last time I listened to this musical genius by Emilie Autumn was October 2012.
Nearly 2 years ago.
Nearly 2 years ago.
And the photo above was taken about ten seconds before I started silently blubbering.
I wanted to be share this with you, as it is important to me.
I wanted to be share this with you, as it is important to me.
In October 2012, I lost a part of my soul.
I watched someone who had grown up with me, leave this world.
I watched someone who had grown up with me, leave this world.
This is me and her. I'm seven, she's about 10 weeks.
My beautiful baby girl.
I was just about to turn 21 when we had to lose her forever from this life.
My beautiful baby girl.
I was just about to turn 21 when we had to lose her forever from this life.
On that day I listened to Emilie Autumns 'Goodnight, Sweet Ladies' blaring from my car, as I sped around with no place to go.
Tears blurring my vision.
Her collar in my lap.
I'd lost a part of myself.
I'd rather have chopped off my left leg, that felt a pain like this.
Tears blurring my vision.
Her collar in my lap.
I'd lost a part of myself.
I'd rather have chopped off my left leg, that felt a pain like this.
From that day to this, I could not listen to that song again. I skipped the track entirely. I avoided it like the plague.
And today nearly two years later, I just let it play through.
I laid on the floor, and let the pain come back full force.
And with the pain, and the images of her dead body, and the memories of three generations of my family stood together scattering her ashes...with all that bad, came good.
I remembered her trying to catch fish from the stream, I remembered walking in the snow, and her totally tackling my nan over. I remembered how she loved carrying huge (like way too big) tree branches through the woods, and trying to run between us all, and smacking the hell out of our knees on literally every walk. I remembered over a decade of her lying on my bed every single night.
I hadn't forgot these things, so much as they'd been pushed back. Pushed to the back corners of my mind by the pain of losing her.
I laid on the floor, and let the pain come back full force.
And with the pain, and the images of her dead body, and the memories of three generations of my family stood together scattering her ashes...with all that bad, came good.
I remembered her trying to catch fish from the stream, I remembered walking in the snow, and her totally tackling my nan over. I remembered how she loved carrying huge (like way too big) tree branches through the woods, and trying to run between us all, and smacking the hell out of our knees on literally every walk. I remembered over a decade of her lying on my bed every single night.
I hadn't forgot these things, so much as they'd been pushed back. Pushed to the back corners of my mind by the pain of losing her.
Her name was Sheba.
And now she is running around the Summerlands, waiting for me.
And I know she'll be there to greet me, as joyfully as she ever did, when the time comes for us to be together again.
And now she is running around the Summerlands, waiting for me.
And I know she'll be there to greet me, as joyfully as she ever did, when the time comes for us to be together again.
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